Who is the Savvy Scribe?

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I am a single mom, a full time student, working to make a better life for my daughter and myself. I am sarcastic and opinionated and refuse to sensor myself. I am a liberal, gun owner, and a sports fanatic.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

I seem to be saying and doing the wrong thing quite a bit lately.  And I have to say that I’m really starting to feel down on myself about it.  If I had written this blog yesterday, I would have been concerned that my words had damaged a very important friendship beyond repair.  We’ve worked things out, but I can’t help but feel that I’m seeing a pattern. I know I’m screwing up here, but I am having the hardest time figuring out how to stop. 
My intentions are good. The people that know me, REALLY know me, should know that I would never intentionally say anything to hurt someone’s feelings or insult them.  I piped up to help a newbie at work today, and accidentally stepped on a higher-up’s toes because I didn’t realize she was already answering.  After five years at the job I was just trying to help. She snapped at me and called me out saying that I do that a lot.  Her exact words were, “We’ve been over this before, Brandi.”  
It’s fucking humiliating.  I don’t mean to step in and step on anyone’s toes.  I swear to God, I’m just trying to help the place run smoothly.  I just want to make life easier for my co-workers.  P.S. This person is NOT high enough up to be calling me out for anything other than a serious screw up. I have supervisors for that.  

My intentions are always good. 

At home it seems I can’t say the right thing either.  We have so many miscommunications it’s like to drive me NUTSO!   How am I so misunderstood? How is it SO hard to forgive someone you love for saying the wrong thing.  

I remember breaking up with my daughter’s dad. Miss A. was not on the way yet (we separated for almost a year before she was conceived) and I was living the rowdy life of a single girl in her twenties. 
I decided I was sick of trying so hard to please everyone and worrying so much about people liking me. So I said whatever I thought. Loudly. 
I was sick of people cutting me off, and feeling like no one would listen to me. So if someone interrupted me I told them to STFU because I wasn’t done talking. 
Screw ‘em all. 
I was sick of feeling weak, and oppressed. So I stood up for myself and tried to start fights when I thought it was necessary. 
And the crazy thing was. . . People LOVED ME~!~ 
I couldn’t believe it.  I expected to be shunned. Who want’s to be around some loud-mouthed, over-opinionated asshole?  But to my great surprise I had tons of people wanting to be friends. I was never lonely, always had someone to talk to or something to do. 
And now. . .
I’m not that person anymore. Five years have passed and now I just want to get along with everyone. The last thing I would want to do is offend someone so badly, especially badly enough that they would want to sever a relationship over it.  I try my very best to be nice to everyone, no matter how different they might be from me, and to see the good in everything. 
I’m friendly and polite to most everyone I meet. Yes, I can be quite the smart-ass and have a sarcastic sense of humor but it’s never meant to be hurtful. So what I don’t understand is why I have such a problem socializing with people.  I frequently feel on the outside of groups of people--especially at work.  My partner frequently feels like I am mad, annoyed or having “an attitude.”  
So honestly, WTF. Like, WHAT the FUCK?!? Do I go back to that carefree mouthy bitch again? Or do I plug on, just grateful for the friends that I do have. I hate feeling like I’m in high school again. I made that place a nightmare for myself with my social bumbling. I can look back  now and know what I did wrong; I just don’t want to wait twelve more years, look back on being 30 and wish that I’d had it figured out. 


  1. Of course people love you. This is no big shocker to me, as I have loved you from day 1. No one likes high school--no one in their right mind. You move forward---forward motion is key, and you're already good at it. :)

  2. Thanks Lyns. I love you too. I'm so glad we were instant friends, without ever meeting <3

  3. Just be you.

    I am me, no matter what. I know that there are people that love me, and some that hate me, and some that talk mad shit about me because they hate me that much. Really though, I don't care. I know who I am, I am happy with who I am, and because I am ME I know my friends are real, and like me for ME and not for who they want me to be.

  4. @ Ange. I admire you very much for that. I wish to my toenails that I could have such confidence, and often I pretend that I don't care because I don't WANT to care. But I still do! Mad Props to you.

  5. Life is a real bitch sometimes, and just know you're not alone...we all fumble through these situations and you'll find you keep doing that in new social situations as the years go by...recently, when my oldest started kindergarten I felt like that again at a new school. I was hoping the other Moms would like me!
    Just be true to yourself and be yourself, and as long as you do that YOU will be fine. In fact, it might help you see that maybe you aren't the issue at all.
    hang in there!
    aka Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

  6. Thanks Sue. It sure is miserable to have to spend 40 hours a week with a group of grown-ass-women that act like they are in high school. We should be way past this, right?
    Thanks for stopping by and reading. I'm loving this blog community!

  7. I know how you feel and have been in the same shoe's. I came to an understanding that maybe some will share but most may not.

    I've been in that same position at work and to be honest (I think you already got this) but you just have to take a step back and then approach the person and discuss the misunderstanding so each of you knows where the other was coming from.
    I highly doubt that your actions had anything to do with it more you were just the lucky person to be there for the venting of some other problem. Happens, like all the time.

    And although my relationship isn't perfect by any means me and my wife have finally managed to get past that part where we get instant defensive all the time and mange to (slow our role) up front so as to allow the truth of our words to come out instead of the irritation of wondering what it might have meant. I think we get so caught up in life, humanity you know just being a human that we lose sight of the human on the other end of the conversation. We think we know what were looking at but really people change so much from one moment to the next it's never really clear. Not to mention everything in the world has a timer on it so we treat our lives as if there going to end tomorrow and we tend to treat our relationships the same way. But really some should never be that way. It's the learning to separate the things that will be over in a minute and the ones that last a life time that's hard.

    You know the old saying, "I want to grow old with you". We never think about how long that really is and just understand the truth behind those words. I've been with my love for 6 years now and I think I'm just finally getting to where I understand her. And tomorrow it will be different and that's what I know will help me communicate with her.

    Well I don't know if this helps but I love you hun and I know your going to figure this thing out. :)